Life is such a precious gift and it is such a privilege to be able to help bring about new life. The older I have gotten, the more I have realized my fertility is a gift and it will run out. I also have friends who are not able to have children. Tom and I have always tried to be sensitive in prayer to how many children the Lord is calling us to have and the timing that they should be conceived. Society thinks this is foolish and even irresponsible. There are even some Christians that think it is legalistic. I am not a very disciplined person, and actually pretty weak. I also am not naturally virtuous. The only thing I can claim is that I have always tried to be obedient to God in every area of my life and even that is only by his grace.
Update: When I wrote this post I was actually pregnant. I recently miscarried at 9 weeks. That gentle breeze carried our baby up to Heaven. From the start of this pregnancy I had a real sense of the sacredness of this life. I believe it was the Lord showing me the importance of every life, no matter how short. The reason Tom and I have been open to new life has always been primarily out of obedience to the Lord because I have very hard pregnancies. My children are a gift from him but they also ultimately belong to him and it is up to him to do with them as he sees best. After my miscarriage I was meditating on Mary's yes. I'm sure when she said yes, her dreams for her son did not involve him being crucified. The same day I read this quote from a book called "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver: "...saying yes to God brings blessing, but it can also bring pain. That's why we need a submitted heart that keeps on believing...even when it hurts."
Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is one of the most heartbreaking, confusing types of hurt there is because it's so much bigger than just the "loss of a pregnancy." From the day you find out you're expecting a child you begin to hope and dream and plan and prepare. You think of names and mentally paint and arrange the nursery furniture. You choose godparents, you figure out who and how to tell your family and friends. Your whole life is changed by the plus sign on that little "pee stick!" And then, it's gone. And people don't know what to say, and how could they? Your heart just died a little. From experience, multiple times, I can tell you by the grace of God, and the gift of time, your heart will heal and you can rejoice in the fact that you have your own, personal saint interceding for you and your family. And you can begin to more easily thank God for all things that happen in your life, even the really, really hard things. God bless you, Lisa! This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your encouraging words!
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