Sunday, February 26, 2012

Just BEE

It was 1998 and a typical dreary day in Kalamazoo, Michigan.  My older two daughters were around the ages of two and four. Once again I was stuck on the couch dealing with a debilitating fatigue and muscle weakness. I had a hard time even taking care of the basic needs of my little girls.  This was before I knew I had an autoimmune condition so part of me just thought I was being lazy.  What I did know however was that I didn't have the strength to even lift myself off the couch so I decided to make the best of the situation and meditate on the Lord. 

This time as I was meditating on him, three images came to my mind.  I saw a spider, a grasshopper, and a bee.  I felt like the Lord asked me which I'd rather be like.  I thought about it and realized a spider just kills pesky insects. A grasshopper destroys crops.  A bee however gets to provide something good for society and make honey.  I told the Lord I would rather be like the bee.  I then felt like he said, "Bees lie dormant for a time before they get to make honey."  I did not realize this about bees so I did a little research and sure enough, I discovered that the baby larvae bees lie dormant in the honey comb before they are mature enough to come out and start making honey.

The Lord began to teach me some valuable life lessons that day. Leaning back and resting in God's love for me, I began to realize his love was perfect and complete; There was nothing I could do to make him love me less and there was nothing I could do to make him love me more. God's main goal for my life was to perfect me in that love. Everything else was secondary. Unless I first received his love, then I did not have much love to give to others. And so my journey to greater serenity and intimacy with the Lord began!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Background (my story part 2)

Twenty-three years ago my life was forever changed!  That is when my eyes were opened to the love and mercy of God through his very real presence in the Eucharist.  I discovered that he knew me, loved me, and I could have a personal relationship with him.  He plucked me out of a life full of despair and hopelessness and I was extremely grateful! In order to prove my love and gratitude, I became like a runaway train trying to always do "good" things.  That train suddenly came to a screeching halt after encountering complicated pregnancies and debilitating physical problems.  

Through these thorns however I started to learn how to be still and wait upon the Lord.  I learned that my worth was not in doing but in being. Through these trials he also continues to teach me that his grace is sufficient for me and his strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).  As I have learned to surrender more fully to the Lord and lean back in Jesus in everything I do, allowing him to be my hands and feet, I have discovered a transforming power and greater intimacy with my Heavenly Father than I could have ever imagined! 

Through this blog I wish to share some of the things I believe the Lord has shown me in hopes that it may bless others.  The Lord usually speaks to me through visions, not because I am anything special but because he knows that is how I am able to comprehend what he is saying to me.  You see, I am very dyslexic which makes me also very visual.  I am not a "word" person and have even been told that I do not have very good verbal skills. I am so visual in fact that in order to comprehend what someone is saying to me, I have to form a mental picture in my mind of every word that is being said. It brings me great excitement however to know that God likes to use the things we are weak in and it can bring a greater glory to Him!