The pressure has been mounting the last several months and has been rather intense as it has been building. It has come in the form of a husband having a very stressful job that takes him away from us fourteen hours most days, trying to homeschool a child with learning disabilities, another with mental health issues, and dealing with a body that is in constant pain. At the same time wondering about the desires and promises God has placed on our heart. Wondering if and when we will see them be fulfilled.
Everything is finally coming to a head; the damn is bursting. God is using these stressful situations to tenderize my heart. He is breaking through layers of unbelief, fear and doubt; hopefully enabling me to better love him and others.
The enemy is right there too, taking advantage of my vulnerabilities and feeding me lies. Telling me I am a failure, irrelevant, too old and being passed over. After all, I can't even manage my own household, how could I lead souls to Christ?! I am trying to discern and fight off the lies but often feel defeated.
I look at my young adult daughters who have their whole lives ahead of them and are full of dreams. I am reminded that I used to have dreams too. It makes me wonder if I took too many detours and too many wrong turns and now it is too late.
And then I am brought back to reality and realize I am buying into the lies of the enemy.
This Advent reminded me that it is okay to just be. It is okay to wait and it is okay to just adore! Small things and small beginnings should not be despised! God always comes through! He is always faithful to his promises! He can always redeem!